2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
