my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
