i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
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he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
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He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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