Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize