I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
