Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
