So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
