woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
