his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
