Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
