I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
4 words: hood of his car
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
