I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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