if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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