My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
