the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
