The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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