im about as happy as oj after his trial
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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