If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
