by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
