Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
