I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
