What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Randomize
