For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I would ride that face into the sunset
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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