Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
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Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
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Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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