i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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