so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
