Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize