I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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