I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
