and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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