Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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