Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
