its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
