I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
