the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
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I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
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Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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