I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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