I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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