yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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