I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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