I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
