Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize