my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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