my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
