Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
