i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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