you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
