My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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