UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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