does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
