Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
