weddingsv make me drug and hornr
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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