my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
