matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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