Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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