see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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