My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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