Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
