I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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