dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
