Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
