when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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