now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
