maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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