...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
