Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
