if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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