The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
